Hello friends and Family.
As some of you may or may not know by now, I recently did a reality show on VH1 called Couples Therapy with Todd "Too Short" Shaw that premiered last Wednesday night. For those of you who know me up close and personally, i'm certain this is a bit of a shock, as I haven't been in a solid relationship for several years now. Allow me to share...
First I'd like to clear up some of the incorrect info that has been in the press about about Todd and I. We HAVE NOT been in an on and off relationship for the past 15 years. Todd and I cleared this up on the show as we didn't want to hurt or alarm anyone that has been in our lives during that time...However, you never know how things will turn out in editing. Therefore, I'm taking it upon myself to have a voice and state the facts. Here's our once private back story...
Todd and I have known one another for about 15 yrs in passing by way of our careers in the music business. I'm certain most of you know who Too Short is...I was an Artist in the 90's in a female New Jill Swing group signed to Uptown called The Gyrlz which then turned into a duo called Terri & Monica... this is how Todd and I first knew of one another. I moved to LA in 2004 from NY and ran back into Todd in '06. This is when our friendship officially began. Todd always frequented/supported my Honey Collective parties and events. He was always very vocal about his attraction to me. Honestly, I just never took him serious. After a few years of him consistently flirting and once I got to know the Man, Todd Shaw, I opened myself to his advances and decided to go on a "date" with him. He was always fun to be around and we actually had a lot in common and seemingly spoke the same language. I had my reservations as I never saw myself dating a rapper, especially a rapper with explicit lyrics as Too Short's and the lifestyle of being a famous single rapper who's known for being around a ton of Women. I must say that was challenging for me as I'm all about empowerment of Women. I'm also very cautious about dating Men in my industry...my reputation as a Woman doing business is everything to me. It's imperative that I command respect in this male dominated Industry that I move in. However, my experiences with Todd was always great! He's kind, charming, extremely intelligent, a gentleman and he always made me laugh. NOTHING like the image his music portrays. At this point, we had developed a friendship in the last 4 years and he had been rather consistent and persistent...So i figured, why not give him a shot. So I did. Todd and I started dating discretely and after several months, I noticed that a few of my initial concerns had surfaced. The consistency had become...well, let's just say not so consistent, aside from being in the studio a lot (which i understood), and traveling constantly, he seemed to always be in the clubs, enjoying the perks of being Too Short... and didn't seem to be as present as I would've liked, so instead of us damaging our friendship, I ended what felt like a road headed toward a bunch of ridiculousness Lol! Needless to say, after a few months, the smoke cleared and our friendship was salvaged as I knew going in what I could potentially be getting myself into. Todd was still a patron of the Honey parties often times bringing a small group of his own honey's. This didn't bother me as I had closed the door to any possibilities of being with him romantically ever again.
Periodically, I would get word from friends who would run into him randomly that "Too Short loves him some Monica Payne" I never thought too much about it, again, the friendship was in tact and I never had a thought of looking back into anything romantic with Todd. We'd hang out from time to time just as friends and sometimes he would bring up the possibility of us being together but i'd always shoot that possibility down. Which brings me to "Couples Therapy"...
Several months had passed and Todd and I hadn't seen one another or spoken in a while. We ran into one another at DJ Rashida's night Love Is The Message. I was with another very good friend of mine Joi. Todd and Joi have been friends for many years. He saw Joi and asked her who she was there with. She told him she was there with me and immediately he headed towards the bar where I was and began to tell me that no matter what, he couldn't stop thinking about me. Todd had changed his number a few months back... he said he sent me an email with his updated info...I never got it as he sent it to an old email addy that I had stopped checking. That night me, Todd and Joi hung out at Todd's house after the party. Todd started telling Joi that he and I had a romance and that he always had strong feelings for me. Joi was thrown off because it was the first she'd heard of this. During the time Todd and I dated, Joi was living in Atlanta and we didn't speak as often. Joi was tickled at the fact that a romance had gone down and thought it was cute how Todd was professing his feelings...her words exactly were "now this is interesting" as she laughed while Todd was going in on his feelings. I didn't find it amusing at the time because Todd knew how I felt about he and I as a couple. I wasn't open to that. As he kept on "dreaming out loud" (which is what I always liked to call it when he would talk about he and I) I remember saying to him..."Todd, you do a lot of big talking, but never seem to do much to support your words and how you "say" you feel." Shortly after that statement, he got quiet and then out of no where, he lightly mentioned this opportunity that had just came to him that he turned down. He asked me if I'd be interested in going on a REALITY SHOW with him called Couples Therapy. LMAO! The words didn't leave his mouth fast enough before I said...hell no. I'm not doing a reality show and i'm definetly not doing Couples Therapy. WE'RE NOT A COUPLE...WHY WOULD I DO THAT?? That was the end of that conversation and we all spent the rest of the night kickin' it, reminiscing and listening to Parliament, Bootsy, and a host of other great musicians/artist that he has in his AMAZING iPod. It was a fun night.
Todd called me 2 days later, which was a Tuesday and again brought up the Couples Therapy situation. He asked me to hear him out...so I did..we ended up having a very real in depth conversation. Todd is 46 years old, never been married and has no kids, a lot of people would find that shocking...Too Short doesn't have any kids??...he has a successful career that has lasted over 25 years and is still very relevant. In this Industry and especially in Hip Hop, that is rare!! He shared with me that he feels that "Too Short" / The Game has held him back from creating successful relationships and family. He said he felt he was ready to explore this side of him and after doing some research about this show, he actually thought that it could be beneficial personally as well as professionally. He then said that the only person that he could do something like this with was me. My reply was "I hear you but this show is about married people/people who have been together for years, trying to save their relationship" "You and I are not a couple" AND "I love you to death boo but I'm not going on a show pretending" His reply was 'I'm not asking you to pretend, I'm saying let's tell the truth." "Take this journey with me" "You're the only person I could do this with" "I'm not trying to go on some reality show to act like a fool, I turned this down, didn't even consider this until I saw you the other night and what you said to me about doing something about it" "At the time, it made sense and the truth be told, I might need some of this therapy and you're the only person I would want to do this with" "I'm ready to focus on my legacy and think of family, etc..."After our conversation, I told him I would think about it. He said we only had 24 hours to make a decision. **Side bar: Earlier this year, one of my best girlfriends, Shawn Barton and I made a pat that we would do things differently this year. She and I both have been single for a while and haven't been on the dating scene for a minute. We made a promise that we would be open to random possibilities and give things a chance more when it came to Men.** I got off the phone with Todd, a bit more open and immediately called my Mother as she knew me and Todd's history. My Mother listened intently and then she hit me with "I think this might be a blessing baby, I think you should do it" NOT what I was expecting to hear from my Mom!! She then went on to say "Monica, i really feel that at your age, there aren't many Men outside of your industry that would tolerate your lifestyle" "A typical Man would have a problem with what you do professionally...throwing events, staying out late, being in the studio with your Artist and traveling all the time" she went on to say "You and Todd are in the industry and he understands what you do, you understand what he does for a living, he's 46, been there, done that...maybe he's ready to settle down and enjoy what he's built, maybe he's trying to show you what you've been asking for" My Mom went on to say "I feel this is a good opportunity on a lot of different levels for both of you personally and professionally. I don't know why i feel like this but something in my Spirit is telling me this is a blessing" "Go for it baby, be open" I got off the phone and called my Artist V's Mother Ms. Wanda, who I love and respect and consider a Mom here in LA. V's Mother is also a very spiritual Women with great discernment and wisdom. Ms. Wanda also knew of me and Todd's history. I was shocked when she said she too thought this was a wonderful opportunity and encouraged me to step out on faith. I then called the BFF Shawn who is a STRONG critic. Lol! I just knew Shawn would say "ARE YOU NUTS??" Lol! I was completely taken a back when Shawn said, "I think you should go for it, you never know how love will show up in your life" "Too Short is an OG, he's not going to go on a show to be a clown, if he's asking you to join him on a show like this, there must be something deeper here" "You two have history and I think it's a great opportunity for you" WOW, I wasn't expecting this. I talked to V about it...V was supportive yet hesitant at the same time, rightfully so..as I am her Manager and she immediately thought of my brand, her brand and what she and I have been building for the last 3 years together. It wasn't so much of me exploring this possibility with Todd but more of how these reality shows edit their content. She had a point and believe me, it was something I had already been thinking about and knew that If said yes, I would be taking a risk. However, nothing substantial has ever showed up in my life without me taking risks! So, I got on my knees and prayed...time was of the essence as I had only a limited amount of time to give Todd an answer. It was Wednesday night and if Todd and I agreed to do this, we were to leave on Saturday. I needed some time to sit and be still with this and that's what I did as I knew that If I said yes, I'd be opening myself up to something that would completely effect my life. I would be opening myself up to Todd and the world in a very vulnerable way, the thought of that scared the hell out of me...I prayed and slept on it for 24 hours before giving Todd an answer. If you could imagine, i was up most of the night in deep thought. I spoke to my Mother again on thursday, I knew she prayed on it as well. When my Mom and I spoke, again she said, "Monica, I really feel like this is a blessing baby" A peace came over me, a feeling inside of me arose that said BE BOLD, STEP OUT ON FAITH, as long as you are true and authentic, you have nothing to lose.... so I called Todd and told him that if the network was CLEAR that we are not coming on their show as a couple but as two people/good friends in their 40's, who's grown up in the Entertainment Industry, never been married, no kids, who've explored the possibility of a relationship with one another, who's ready for love be it together or apart and you're honest about that history and you have no expectations other than me being truthful, I'll do this with you. Todd's reply was "I wouldn't do it any other way" I trusted that and decided I would take the plunge if the show accepted us in truth...They did and Todd and I were preparing to leave. Both nervous of what we'd discover, we made a promise that we'd be open and that we would come out of this the way we came in...friendship in tact!
Honestly, I'm at a place in my life where I'm ready to settle down. I'm ready for love. I'm ready to build with a Man. I moved to LA in '04 from NY to reinvent myself...to start over. I love what I do. My life has ALWAYS been in entertainment, I don't know anything else...being single for as long as I have, you begin to just dive into your projects so you don't think about being alone...especially after several disappointments and unsuccessful dating episodes in a town where ambition is the driving force. For me, I seem to always find myself in the friend zone...perhaps that's been a safe place for me...what I do for a living aside from promotions, managing an Artist, it takes focus...I have someone's career in my hands, I have my dreams in my hands... I have NO time to be in an uncomfortable head space that often times being in the wrong relationship can bring. I've been there. I've watched girlfriends in emotional turmoil over unhealthy relationships that they seem to be stuck in (aint nobody got time fah dat) It's draining! Todd is my friend, I knew that I'd be in good hands with him, I knew he cared about me, i knew that given our history he would honor and protect me... and hey, who knows, after all these years of his pursuit, he might be the one...if he isn't I knew that our friendship was solid enough that we could sustain doing something like this. I'm always encouraging others to step into the realm of possibility, to take chances, to be bold, courageous...here before me was an open door of possibility, an opportunity to be bold, to be courageous, to step out on faith. Here before me stood the possibility of love...what the hell. Let's go see what God has in store. So on that Saturday, I found myself walking through that door of possibility that lead me beside Todd "Too Short" Shaw, leading us both into the house of Couple's Therapy. That's me and Too Short's personal back story. You'll have to watch the show and see how our desire for love, our need for some guidance and our friendship unfolds...
I'll be posting weekly updates after each episode in the event there's some tricky editing...you'll get the facts from me regarding Todd and I. As well as my perspective of the scenarios in the house regarding the other couples. Thank you guys for taking the time to read my story...I thought it was important for me to share, knowing that seeing ME & TOO SHORT on a "Couples Therapy" show could be a bit confusing for a lot of people who know us both. Stranger things have happened! Lol! Don't just dream...dare to go after your dreams whatever they may be! Dare to live your truth, regardless of what others may think! Dare to have the damn audacity!! Dare to live! That's what I'm doing! God bless you guys!
OneLove!
Monica Payne
